Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
