if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
