Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
