Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
