She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
