Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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