it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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