honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
