Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
