you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So much rum. So many feels.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
