I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
