my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
