So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
