You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
