no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
