You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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