I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
