then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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