new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
