i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
