I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
