I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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