i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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