there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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