just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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