totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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