At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
