So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
