eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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