Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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