Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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