Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Randomize
