He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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