Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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