Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
