Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
