The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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