Your tits are I can't wait for
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
