that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
