Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
