i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
