we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
