yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
