i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
