i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
