Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
