i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
tell me about the fingering
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
