If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
