My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
