We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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