Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
